warcraft region transfer the neverending saga:

This is my 3rd retort to the blizzard corporate bull-spiel i was emailed as to why region transfer 8 years after the making of the game is still an impossibility ?

Your response was the usual rubbish, I’m not sure why blizzard employ people who have no possibility of garnering the respect of game users, on the basis that as employees they can change absolutely nothing at all ? its just a waste of money to employ such people. it would be better to employ no-one in this capacity, and just say the game is how it is, lump or like it, it would be much more honest … rather than suggesting they have the option of developing another char, in another region version of the game ? oh yes ill just spend another 130 days of my life investing in another online character, so you can tell me its your property !!! christ i can if i want stick my cock in a blender also. I don’t need the nursery level script advice of some corporate monkey paid 30k a year to take schtick from customers.

Long may your company slowly die for the disdane its shows its users, in a way it is gratifying to know that you might never make inter-region character transfers possible, in the sense I also know this means that i will not have to waste my life playing your game at any point in the future, so really your doing me a favour in some perverse fashion, very large companys never perceive their fall, atari, commodore, sega tech history is littered with large vain company’s who didn’t listen to users and see the writing on the wall, but everything … has a lifespan . . . blizzard included.

You may continue to expand into more distant markets, and enslave and waste the productive youth of some of the more possibly productive people the world has created in other markets around the world, including those in the developing worlds, after all why just hamper the affluent west’s youth from achieving anything, except virtual goals to get that new ‘epicz sword’ !, but eventually everyone who sadly desires such life distraction, will have had enough of your psychologically engineered random reward grind formula. then hopefully we can see the back of your company once and for all.

below is the response which caused my venom interspersed with my retorts in italics OTT but hell i like it like that. and then my original email to blizzard corpo machine far far below it:

“Hello Mr ‘name removed” ok so far so good …

Thank you for contacting Blizzard Entertainment Technical Support. My name is Tom and I will be assisting you today. “will be assisting ? thats a big promise ? will you now ? no doubt ‘I does take sugar also’ ? do i give a shit, who you are ? your probably a sophisticated eliza program for all i know, which selects a random name to use, selected from a special country and gender based psychological profile. corporate dipshit is what you probably are, Oh no i’m sorry, you cant be a dipshit if your a program ?”

I apologize for any inconvenience you may have experienced.“hmm that is no comfort at all, compared to providing me, with just a few logical reasons behind your arguments, or admiting that your to fing lazy to code a region transfer facility”

Quality and customer service are the highest priorities for Blizzard Entertainment. “Cough … Cough … choking here … splutter … average at best Bull-Spiel to make yourselves sound good, every corporate Ho in every marketing department the world over, emails shit like that to customers, its as common as air and as solid, therefore … meaningless” Because we cannot guarantee a positive gaming experience for users connecting to servers outside the supported region, we do not support use outside of the designated region.“that sentence is precisely why for those few customers who started their chars on warcraft trials, that were only available in the US at the time from the EU, you should offer region transfers because raiding in the US from the EU is as you say, not a positive gaming experience, US raids startup at midnight EU time, Do you question whether that is disruptive to a normal life ? and a positive gaming experience ? “

I recommend that, if possible, you acquire a localized version of the game for a more positive gaming experience.“wow … No shit sherlock ! … fuck I hadn’t thought of that ! actually … truly I had, but then … I was a little bit wiser than to waste another 130 days of my life getting attached to and investing in, an online character I sculpted, which will of course, by dint of a ridiculous licence agreement, turn out to be your corporate property ?”

At this time “aaargh … now were getting at the truth … in another words were too lazy ‘right now’ to develop such a facility, like we might bother if our customer numbers got real low, but right F****N now the earnings we have, which are greater than the GDP of many small countrys ~ just isnt enough ? money ? to put any people ? on this quite obviously insane region transfer idea you have, not even ‘TOM’ from technical support here’s salary, for instance ? what we would rather do is employ him at 30k a year, to say nothing of any value, in as many a varied & complicated no commitment marketing spiel like ways as possible, to all our customers, via email instead. Because that seems from our giant corporo perspective like a better use of money ?!!?! in relation to our three highly over exploited gaming ip’s ?

And truthfully were just making way too much money, to give a shit about the 130 days of your sorry life, you put in to your fire mage ‘flimflam’ or whatever dickwad name your char goes by ! (you should have chosen rogue) even though if land and building materials costs likewise, weren’t outrageously priced, you could have built yourself a real-world house in that 130 day timeframe, instead of deciding to invest it all, in a virtual epic orange cloak called “the cover of absolute dick mastery +9”, which we will of course nerf the stats on and make pointless, as soon as the next inevitable upgrade comes out, and we will change the textures on your entire outfit so instead of glowing and shining, just some kind of stinky gaseous emanation will float up from it with a few flys now, and also because blizzard only employ cultists, weve decided for a laugh to rebalance your class as a kind of prada wearing jester fag who gets bonus attack points by bending over and playing his instrument, and at the same time you must reacharound and service the boss before his “engage me tenderly timer” runs out whilst remembering to juggle your own balls every third second of every third minute or else your HP will halve on every proc of cockmastery that your cloak no longer protects you from, and also weve decided to program your talent tree to detect when when youve just worked out your perfect build, all invested points will then rotate 67 degrees into a fifth dimension, further to that weve decided to label all addons when your ass twitches or every update whichever comes first as incompatible, because its not like addons are needed to raid or anything! just look at youtube raiding videos no addons visible there ?!?! and the people who write addons don’t contribute to the success of our game in any way ?! (insert deep sense of irony here) their just more f*****s to screw like you the customer who also have no role to play in the success of blizzard ? except in your ability to be addicted in a masochistic way, and therefore no say, but in our genorosity, we decided we will give you the opportunity for 4000 gold to choose to tatoo your character in the face, with a limited 10 million edition “I suck blizzard cock logo” but obviously this mission will only be available to those dedicated players who are prepared to pay 15000 gold and gain 2,000,000 rep, to buy the mount and ride off and meet the challenge in azeroth part 10 : “gain rep with the clan of the cock until you die” prepare to explore the fleshy depths of windy hole and the mighty towering bluffs of gaping chasm and meet your date with destiny and the final final twice removed cousin of the last guy you didnt get to meet : the boss of ultimate cock, who resides in the murderous lair of creaking crack, behind within and somewhere around the box within a box mythology that ties all this crap together, that even we have lost the will to shape in a way, that makes any sense at all, you will of course need a doctors certificate, to certify that your migraine-al myopia and lack of vision beyond the surface of your lcd was engendered by enough warcraft play time, being logged.(logs will be checked) and like the last expansion you will of course be required by agreement in the 30th page of small print to sign over to blizzard corporation, every fourth born child.(how the hell did i get all that from “At this time” ? I think I have some issues ?)( that makes up for all those 1% wipes on all those bosses phew cathartic)

it is not possible to transfer an account or an authentication key between regions. In addition, there is no way to deactivate an account or authentication key in one region to re-create the account in another. Characters and items are non-transferable, as well.“dont tell me, its harder than a nasa mission right ?, you mean ‘no way’ as in its actually beyond the scope of all human endeavour ?!?! i mean you can program for years on end, the entire of world of warcraft, design more content to fill hte game than any other game and do all this unbeleivably mind bogglingly complex crap, but region transfers … man … that’s like catching a fly with chopsticks impossible ? what you actually mean is you don’t want to bother, for whatever perceived financial reasoning … admit it, then i might have some respect for you ? Oh … actually probably not, im having way to much fun to respect you in the morning.”

We highly recommend that you purchase a localized copy of World of Warcraft. “lets get the buy more blizzard shit spiel, in every possible customer email response if we can “team”, why don’t you put a giant advert in this email for all those cross franchised plays sets, lead models, mythology books, replica swords, diorama sets, posters, gaming cards, possibly lycra cataclysm pants as well, because you seem to be capable of wasting F**K knows how much money, on marketing the shit out of us, for such crap, with the supposed money you don’t have, for developing a region transfer facility ?!?!”

You may be interested in the following Localization FAQ: “now your just urinating on me, take a break !”
http://us.blizzard.com/support/article.xml?articleId=21464. “spurious article containing words written for people who’ve only just worked out what a mouse is for”

Sincerely,“Oh come on !!!”

Tom L “no last name huh ?, because you might find out where I live and the L means there are allot of people to go through in the phonebook terminator stylee, to get at me for real, lol :)”
Technical Support “I dispute the technical in this line, it didn’t feel technical to me, next time attach a listing or a code print out or something, and ill have a go myself, also I utterly reject the word support, call it noiseful communication if you want, but it was of absolutely no support to me ! except in its major comedic value”
Blizzard Entertainment “youve missed out the words ‘digital crack services‘ and ‘you automatically agree to you rights being severely restricted by reading these words … limited’
http://www.blizzard.com/support

BTW blizzard ill take this off the web one month after you actually write a region transfer routine but not until then ok ? sound like a fair deal ?