posts from the archive : wow warcraft rant

At this time

“aaargh … now were getting at the truth … in another words were too lazy ‘right now’ to develop such a facility, like we might bother if our customer numbers got real low, but right F****N now the earnings we have, which are greater than the GDP of many small countrys ~ just isnt enough ? money ? to put any people ? on this quite obviously insane region transfer idea you have, not even ‘TOM’ from technical support here’s salary, for instance ? what we would rather do is employ him at 30k a year, to say nothing of any value, in as many a varied & complicated no commitment marketing spiel like ways as possible, to all our customers, via email instead. Because that seems from our giant corporo perspective like a better use of money ?!!?! in relation to our three highly over exploited gaming ip’s ?

And truthfully were just making way too much money, to give a shit about the 130 days of your sorry life, you put in to your fire mage ‘flimflam’ or whatever dickwad name your char goes by ! (you should have chosen rogue) even though if land and building materials costs likewise, weren’t outrageously priced, you could have built yourself a real-world house in that 130 day timeframe, instead of deciding to invest it all, in a virtual epic orange cloak called “the cover of absolute dick mastery +9″, which we will of course nerf the stats on and make pointless, as soon as the next inevitable upgrade comes out, and we will change the textures on your entire outfit so instead of glowing and shining, just some kind of stinky gaseous emanation will float up from it with a few flys now, and also because blizzard only employ cultists, weve decided for a laugh to rebalance your class as a kind of prada wearing jester fag who gets bonus attack points by bending over and playing his instrument, and at the same time you must reacharound and service the boss before his “engage me tenderly timer” runs out whilst remembering to juggle your own balls every third second of every third minute or else your HP will halve on every proc of cockmastery that your cloak no longer protects you from, and also weve decided to program your talent tree to detect when when youve just worked out your perfect build, all invested points will then rotate 67 degrees into a fifth dimension, further to that weve decided to label all addons when your ass twitches or every update whichever comes first as incompatible, because its not like addons are needed to raid or anything! just look at youtube raiding videos no addons visible there ?!?! and the people who write addons don’t contribute to the success of our game in any way ?! (insert deep sense of irony here) their just more f*****s to screw like you the customer who also have no role to play in the success of blizzard ? except in your ability to be addicted in a masochistic way, and therefore no say, but in our genorosity, we decided we will give you the opportunity for 4000 gold to choose to tatoo your character in the face, with a limited 10 million edition “I suck blizzard cock logo” but obviously this mission will only be available to those dedicated players who are prepared to pay 15000 gold and gain 2,000,000 rep, to buy the mount and ride off and meet the challenge in azeroth part 10 : “gain rep with the clan of the cock until you die” prepare to explore the fleshy depths of windy hole and the mighty towering bluffs of gaping chasm and meet your date with destiny and the final final twice removed cousin of the last guy you didnt get to meet : the boss of ultimate cock, who resides in the murderous lair of creaking crack, behind within and somewhere around the box within a box mythology that ties all this crap together, that even we have lost the will to shape in a way, that makes any sense at all, you will of course need a doctors certificate, to certify that your migraine-al myopia and lack of vision beyond the surface of your lcd was engendered by enough warcraft play time, being logged.(logs will be checked) and like the last expansion you will of course be required by agreement in the 30th page of small print to sign over to blizzard corporation, every fourth born child.

(how the hell did i get all that from “At this time” ? I think I have some issues ?)( that makes up for all those 1% wipes on all those bosses phew cathartic)

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